Why is prison food in America so crappy? I think we can raise the quality of life in state prisons:
1) There should be foods in prison like Maine Lobster, Apricot noodle pudding, Dim Sum Chinese Food, Sushi, Spaghetti imported from Italy, Gourmet Pizza, Greek Salad, chocolate truffels.
2) There should be ice cream socials in EVERY state prison at least once a week
3) Prisoners should be able to order pizza or chinese food anytime they want and share with prison mates.
3) Prisoners should have the right to either 1) stay in their cells or 2) go outside and walk around or go for a drive. Each prisoner should receive a free used car they can use till they finish serving prison time. (like a 1985 Honda Civic, just so they can drive around sometimes))
4) Prisoners in US jails can choose to work or choose NOT to work. However, the minimum salary in prison should be $80,000 per year. As a minimum standard of living, $6,500 per month prison pay. (You can work to make more than that of course, but if you choose not to work you’ll get not a penny more than $80,000/year).
5) Also, Prisoners should be free to request a larger room if it gives them a more comfortable stay while serving prison time.
6) Each prisoner should generally be entitled to at LEAST a queen sized bed.
7) EVERY prisoner should receive a US Government credit card that enables prisoners who book in-prison trips with travel agencies to get charged at the government discount rate.
To stricken things up, Those who do NOT show good behavior should NOT be let out of this prison early. Once let out of prison, you’d be free to get a job.
To finance these higher prison standards, we will raise income taxes accordingly.
Does this sound like a good plan for America?

12 Comments
Can I rob you ?
what the hell, prison is not the marriott. you do the crime, you do the time. no tv, computer, car, good food, walks at the beach, or anywhere for that matter, no rights period!
haha. funny. Did you know that in the colonial days all that was served in the New England jails was lobster… it was considered a poor mans food. Funny how things have changed.
*2) There should be ice cream socials in EVERY state prison at least once a week*
Are they allowed to keep the spoons so they can make them into shanks?
You cruel son of a *****!!! You left out state-provided massages! God you are mean!! A heartless man you are!!
is this going to turn into some bad “obama is teh socialist!!!11″ metaphor?
yes, they already enjoy using drugs, why not more amenities. it’s the humane thing to do.
because it is a prison
your mom
We already have a big enough welfare state in this country. I think we can leave the penal system alone.
You know how they used to ship prisoners to Australia and the Americas? They should now send them to freeze their arses off in Antarctica. Seriously though, why not bring back corporal punishments? Canings, thumbscrews, and my personal favourite, genital mutilation for sex offenders.
The reason food in Prison is so crappy is many.
1. They lie about how much it costs to house an inmate so the cops and sheriffs can buy themselves fancy toys.
2. They buy the crappiest food they can and they buy it from a politicians relative. I was in a jail once where we ate chicken ever day and it was the worst most diseased looking chickens I have ever seen. The reason we ate chicken all the time is because 2 of the guards owned a chicken ranch and they would sell the chickens that no one else would buy to the jail. I only eat fruit veggies, and the stuff I pull directly off the truck myself when I was in jail.